Not only have I discovered lots of wonderful new Goodies moments whilst researching this document, but I have also gained a valuable if somewhat scary insight in the the mentality of our censorship bods during the 1970's.
You cannot say "I'm knackered" or "I'm stuffed", nor "Get knotted" or "Get stuffed" (although "Get lost" is an acceptable alternative). That said, a few have got through - there's an "I'm knackered" in Invasion Of The Moon Creatures.
The word "bloody" is forbidden. This seems to have been relaxed by the 1980s, since the magic word appears in three episodes of series 7: Dodonuts ("One bloody little sausage you've left me."), Rock Goodies ("Cheeky bloody mouse!") and Royal Command ("One is not happy - two are blody furious..."). That said, Dodonuts has had another bloody removed, so the requirement for keeping it in seems to be completely arbitary.
Nudity is out, as are direct suggestions of sex ("hundreds of little groupie girls offering themselves to me", "at it like knives", "feeling sexy", "a terrific lay", etc) and mentions of virginity.
Excessive toilet humour ala Dodonuts' many farting and crapping references.
Homosexuality references seem to have got off very lightly when you comsider what was left in. The only cuts seem to be in Hunting Pink ("must be after some fella"), Superstar (content unknown), and Scoutrageous ("on the other hand he is not a raving poofter"). Yet the "bachelors gay" bit in The End and most of the last half of Superstar got through unscathed.
Words such as "bitch" and "pissed". To judge by Hunting Pink, you can say bum, but you can't draw attention to it by having the audience laugh at it. This last is the worrying one.
So there we have it. That's what the ABC have been carefully protecting the kiddies from for 20 years. Aren't you glad you were shielded from such filth? No? Oh well...
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The Goodies - Censored! was compiled by Matthew K. Sharp.
Copyright (C) 1996, Matthew K. Sharp. All rights reserved.
Script extracts copyright (C) 1970-1980 Graeme Garden, Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor.