The Goodies - Censored!


  1. The Tower Of London
  2. Snooze
  3. Give Police A Chance
  4. Caught In The Act
  5. The Greenies
  6. Cecily
  7. Radio Goodies

1-1 The Tower Of London
Duration: 29'52"
Total material deleted by ABC: 1'22"

* At 12'25", the following section in italics has been cut. CUT = 0'06"

GG (to BO): All right, have you got any bright ideas? Wake up!
TBT: Leave him, leave him, leave him! He's on a trip, he's away.
GG: What's he on, what's he got in there?
TBT: It's only Lemon Sherbet.
GG: Lemon Sherbet?
TBT: His granny sends it to him. It's perfectly harmless but it turns him on. He'll start having visions in a minute.
GG: Visions! Now that I have to see.
TBT: No no, you can't see them, only he can see them; but sometimes he has incredible insights into the true nature of reality.
BO: Way-hey-hey!
GG: What's he seeing? What's he seeing?
BO: Oh, it's fantastic. Oh, it's coming again. Oh, oh, oh no, oh no, no, no no, oh no, oh yes yes yes yes!
TBT: Let me see! Give us a suck.
BO: Get off. Oh, oh, oh gaw blimey, oh, look at that. Look at that
(Graeme places a headset onto Bill)
GG: I'll plug him into the machine.
BO: No that's fantastic. I don't believe that. I don't believe that!
TBT: Keep going, keep going, keep going.
BO: I can't believe it!
GG: Right!
(An image of a naked lady on a beach appears on the window-screen. It changes to a kaleidoscopic pattern.)
BO: No, it's gone.
GG: Keep sucking, you fool.

(A caption appears on the screen: "Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible." Bill starts sucking in earnest. A field of stars appears, then Jimmy Saville.)
TBT: Top Of The Pops! No, concentrate.

* At 17'10", the Fairy Puff Man advert has been cut in its entirety. CUT = 1'16"

(The Fairy Puff Girl (Maria O'Brien) is standing in front of a washing machine with a large pile of dirty clothes.)
F.P. GIRL: Oh, wash days! Look at this pile of washing. I don't know what I'm going to do!
(Enter TBT as the Fairy Puff Man, dressed in shining white suit, hair and teeth, and holding a box of Fairy Puff washing powder.)
TBT: Hi there, kitten! I'm the Fairy Puff man. (sings) Gets right to the dirt of the wash! That's me! Hey kitten, that dress you're wearing is grey, grey, grey, grey, grey!
F.P.G.: I know, but what can I do?
TBT: Here, kitten. Take that dress off and put it in this washing machine with Fairy Puff. (sings) Gets right to the dirt of the wash!
(The F.P. Girl removes her dress and hands it to TBT, who drops it in the washing machine.)
TBT: Uh-uh, kitten, that underslip you're wearing is grey, grey, grey, grey, grey! Best take it off and we'll put it in as well.
(The F.P. Girl takes off her slip and TBT puts it in the machine.)
TBT: (sings) Gets right to the dirt of the wash! Oh-oh, kitten, those undies you're wearing are grey, grey, grey, grey, grey!
F.P.G.: I know, I know, take them off and put them in the machine.
(Cut to a tight close-up of the F.P. Girl so we can just see her head and shoulders, and beyond her, TBT, who is looking her up and down as she removes her undies.)
F.P.G: Now what are you going to do, hmmm?
(TBT gives a quick look at the camera and then...)
TBT (pansy voice): I'm going to wash these clothes. I'm the Fairy Puff Man! (sings) Gets right to the dirt of the wash! I'm a little Fairy Puff man, puff puff!

1-2 Snooze
Duration: 26'20"
Broadcast intact by ABC

1-3 Give Police A Chance
Duration: 27'15"
Total material deleted by ABC: 0'05"

* At 19'28", the end of the film sequence of Tim and Bill bathing in a park pond, which contains a full length rear nude shot of Bill Oddie (holding a police helmet over his private parts) has been removed. CUT = 0'05"

1-4 Caught In The Act
Duration: 30 mins approx
Episode unavailable for assessment

1-5 The Greenies
Duration: 29'02"
Broadcast intact by ABC

Although the colour version shown in 1993 is intact, the B/W print recovered from the ABC does have one minor cut:

* At 16'08", the following section in italics has been cut. CUT = 0'02"

(In the BBC News advert)
V/O: Later tonight on BBC Television. Sex.
(Shot of woman - pull back to reveal bare breasts)
V/O: Violence.

(Shot of a soldier)
V/O: Drugs.
(Shot of a syringe)
V/O: Murder.
(Shot of a man leaning over a body)
V/O: And perversion.
(Shot from the 1932 movie of Frankenstein)

N.B. As the sound and picture for any given moment are at different point on the film, the cut to the vision on the B/W film print has removed a non-corresponding piece of the audio track.

1-6 Cecily
Duration: 29'05"
Total material deleted by ABC: 0'38"

* At 16'03", the Supermatic Camera advert has been cut in its entirety. CUT = 0'38"

(A group of people are standing in a street. One of them is a girl who holds a pose whilst Bob Murray (TBT) takes her photo. He turns and addresses the camera.)
TBT: Hello. My name's Bob Murray. You've probably seen me on television.
TBT: That's me. I've just taken a photograph with my Supermatic, the camera that takes, develops and prints in just ten seconds. Well, ten seconds is up by now, so let's see what we've got.
(TBT pulls the photo out of the back of his camera, peels off the back and holds it up. A close-up reveals the photo is of the girl in the same pose, but nude.)
TBT: Yes, the Supermatic. The camera with a little imagination.

1-7 Radio Goodies
Duration: 30'26"
Total material deleted by ABC: 0'09"

* At 2'14", the following section in italics has been cut. CUT = 0'09"

GG: It's only a small start, but I think I can promise that Radio Goodies will soon be the biggest and best commercial radio station in the country.
TBT: And I'll be a famous disc jockey and have hundreds of little groupie girls offering themselves to me. (Dirty laugh)
BO: You filthy beast! (Tim & Bill both laugh dirtily)

TBT & BO (sing): Radio Goodies!
GG: Boom!

* At 27'37", the infamous word "bloody" has been removed from the audio track during the following exchange. The vision is uncut, so all the lip-readers in the audience have known exactly what Bill was saying for years. (On commercial TV, the entire line was cut out.)

TBT: He... would have wanted it this way.
BO: No he bloody wouldn't!

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The Goodies - Censored! was compiled by Matthew K. Sharp.
Copyright (C) 1996, Matthew K. Sharp. All rights reserved.
Script extracts copyright (C) 1970-1980 Graeme Garden, Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor.