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Spirit and Passion

barren heart barren heart seeks
 bright days ahead bright days ahead

Barren heart seeks bright days ahead

Some thing is wrong; but what? Logically thinking everything is working. I'm keeping my emotions under control. The transgender thing is there; it takes a lot of energy to deal with it; but it's under control.

But my spirit doesn't feel free; I just can't see it clearly; I can't find it.

But I'm just so happy when I'm a woman

happy as a womanbreaking through

Julie as a rock  

Here I am playing a rock - I was playing "Death" disguised as a rock in Federico Garcia Lorca's Blood Wedding

I decide to study acting - I want to know how to get my thinking and feelings aligned.

I'm not a good actor; scared and inexperienced in expressing emotion; but for some intuitive reason I persist; eventually I start to feel; but it's very scary when I actually acknowledge what I'm feeling.

Jane Anna asks me why I'm not living as a woman.
I go into a long speech explaining my position; very logically consistent.
"I don't believe you." she says
"Neither do I" - I say.

I hate it when my sub-conscious answers questions without the appropriate and correct censorship by my logical centers!

Stress!!

stressed

It's even scarier when I realise that it makes sense to do something about all this.




Self Talk
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© Copyright Julie Peters 1999