Some thing is wrong; but what? Logically thinking everything is working. I'm
keeping my emotions under control. The transgender thing is there; it
takes a lot of energy to deal with it; but it's under control.
But my spirit doesn't feel free;
I just can't see it clearly; I
can't find it.
But I'm just so happy when I'm a woman
Here I am playing a rock - I was playing "Death" disguised as a
rock in Federico Garcia Lorca's Blood Wedding
I decide to study acting - I want to know how to get my thinking and feelings
aligned.
I'm not a good actor; scared and inexperienced in expressing emotion;
but for some intuitive reason I persist; eventually I start to feel;
but it's very scary when I actually acknowledge what I'm feeling.
Jane Anna asks me why I'm not living as a woman.
I go into a long
speech explaining my position; very logically consistent.
"I don't believe you." she says
"Neither do I" - I say.
I hate it when my sub-conscious answers questions
without the appropriate and correct censorship by my logical centers!
Stress!!
It's even scarier when I realise that it makes sense to do something
about all this.
